Once upon a time, in a land far far away on a server in some distant lands, I made a Facebook post that highlighted a problem in our society. It got 40 likes, 5 shares, and 100 comments. Not one comment reflected the likes or shares. The comments were mostly disagreements. If you know anything about social media it’s proven that we as humans are really good at finding facts and then finding someone that will disagree with them. For every good opinion, there are a million more opinions that can verify how wrong you are. This also shows that people who like something rarely take the time to comment. I’m saying this because the other day a friend of mine made a Facebook post and I completely disagreed with how it was meant to be portrayed. I don’t mean I disliked the post or thought maybe it was worded wrong. I mean I completely hated the very thought of that statement being used in that way.
Even at this point after talking to the person I still don’t agree at all. We talked about it and agreed that we didn’t see it the same way. We ended the conversation with gratitude and acceptance of each other’s opinions. What it showed me is that disagreements are not the biggest problem we face in this world. How we deal with disagreements can be our biggest obstacle. Peter is a follower of Jesus in the Bible. He is a guy who started out as a nobody before Jesus started his ministry and by the time he is at the end of his life, Peter is a leader in a brand new movement called Christianity. Why I mention him is because Peter liked to say whatever popped into his head. Which caused almost everyone to disagree with Peter at some point. Jesus did, the religious leaders did, Paul who wrote 2/3rds of the new testament disagreed with Peter as well.
America is full of disagreements. Churches are full of disagreements. Its why we have a million different churches with only 5 church members. Although these disagreements have led to a lot of issues I believe we are meant to disagree and grow from it. However, the problem is we don’t know how to disagree. We base our purpose on winning the argument. What I have found in this life is there is no argument that is more important than relationships. Many people are fighting for words when we should be fighting for people. Jesus talks about this when he addresses the Pharisees. Luke 11:42“But woe to you Pharisees! For you tithe mint and rue and every herb, and neglect justice and the love of God. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others. 43 Woe to you Pharisees! For you love the best seat in the synagogues and greetings in the marketplaces.
Most people disagree in the wrong ways because they love to win the argument instead of winning the relationship. People that argue incorrectly love to be seen correctly but rarely love to see others as being right even in the disagreement. Its probably why the divorce rate is still 50% in America. Or why we have over 200 different denominations in Evangelical Christianity alone. Jesus said the Pharisees loved to neglect people and God by doing the thing that seemed right. Giving tithe was right. It was a great system to provide for the church and other people. But Jesus is showing us that life is about more than just being right. It’s about being right to people and God as well as facts.
Jesus disagreed with the Pharisees heavily in the way they disagreed with people. Jesus had no problem with their decision of religion. He had a problem with how they handled that religion. How you handle something is just as important as anything else in life. Disagreements are a part of that. What I want to do is break down somethings on disagreements.
What is the wrong way to handle a disagreement? Lies. When you lie in a disagreement you hurt yourself and the other person's involved. Many times most people just want to win a dispute so they lie. When you lie you steal the ground you stand on for the disagreement. The lie that the Pharisees faced and therefore never could win arguments with is they lied to themselves. They focused on the greatness of their religious (personal) experience more than the justice of people and the love of God. They required everyone to be on their level of perfection and their level of understanding but in disagreements, most people are not on the same level. Nor do they have the same goals. They fall for the lie of self greatness. In order to have positive disagreements, you need to mindful that your goal in your disagreement won’t be the same as someone else’s and that needs to be ok.
Another way to handle disagreements incorrectly is to blame. Jesus and Peter are talking. Jesus says that he must die and be buried and then come back in three days. Peter rebukes Jesus. In the Bible, rebuking is the same thing as blasting someone on Facebook for their comments. Matthew 16:23 But Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind Me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to Me. For you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men.” You might not understand this but Jesus had a masterful way in disagreements of attacking the problem and not the person. Most people in disagreements allow for blaming to be the main reason they should disagree but Jesus saw the heart of the disagreement. Many times it was due to something deeper going on.
We are not Jesus but we can learn from him. It’s important to know that in an argument you are not Jesus and you don’t know all the facts of any situation. Jesus did. And he could get to the heart of anything better than any person. Because we are so limited in our information about who we are arguing with not only do we not see their perspective of the argument but we tend to blame the person in an effort to make sense of it. Many times Jesus had a disagreement with the Pharisees and usually, it ended with them running out questions because Jesus masterfully attacked the heart of the problem and not the person. Most arguments get lost in the personal attack of the person. Once a person feels like they are the center of the argument instead of the issue they lose interest in coming to any agreement.
Jesus dealt with people in the truth of understanding that no matter the disagreement, they were still people that God loved and wanted to use. No person was beyond God’s grace. Everyone has differences. From the Pope to the President. From Peter to Paul. From the Prince to the Pauper. We will always have differences in opinions and perspectives. It is the way God created us. God made Adam and then he made Eve and she was noticeably different. Eve was created to help Adam. God made Eve different to help the situation in the garden and God has made all of us in different ways to help each other.
The point of disagreements should not be to get people to think like you. No one was born to think like you. God made Eve in order to help Adam not be Adam. The people in your life are the help God put in place to get you to where he wants you to go. Either your disagreements with them will lead to God’s plan in your life or away from it. But the only thing that is for sure is there will be disagreements. They are unavoidable and you control how they work. Not every disagreement has to end in a negative way. I have found that when I disagree with someone and I can’t agree with the other person that it doesn’t mean I can’t understand that person. I encourage you to try to aim every argument you have in the right direction. We will always have arguments and who wins is not the point of any of them. In the end, people don’t remember the ones who won the argument, they remember the people that loved them. I challenge you to get into an argument today and aim higher than the disagreement.
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